Old wounds resurfacing...An emotional response to Covid-19

Covid-19 has shaken the world. Whatever you believe, wherever you are, there’s one theme that has been consistent - we are all experiencing challenges, we are all experiencing emotions that we would rather not have to deal with, & we all want this to end so that our lives can go back to normal…

My question - what if things were to go back to normal, what then? What would our lives look like? What would we be doing? How would we be feeling? How would we act? How would we respond to adversity in the future?

Maybe, through Covid-19, we are not meant to go back to normal but rather it is some universal event that is set to move us forward into a more self-aware state where we are more accountable for ourselves, for our happiness, & well-being, to a place where we are kinder to ourselves and to others, where we act with more integrity, a place where we look within us to find our own source of purpose & passion, a place where we can live in love, peace, & harmony within ourselves & with each other? 

What has been activated through Covid-19? 

A lot of fear & a lot of worry, which is understandable. 

Dr Karl Albrecth has created an amazing illustration of fear and he basically organises all of the fears out there and places them into these 5 categories. 

Source: Psychology Today

If we look at Covid-19, you could argue that all levels of fear are currently surfacing right now, from people sadly dying, people losing work, to being isolated, to not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow, resulting in feelings of unworthiness, abandonment, loneliness, overwhelmed & more…

Feelings, emotions, thoughts, they come from within us, not outside of us. What does that mean? Our environment is there to act as a stimulus for us to experience ourselves. What does that mean? That means, within our being, we are carrying the information that can be labelled by our consciousness, our mind as “love, compassion, gratitude, forgiveness, humility, kindness, generosity, unworthy, lonely, hopeless, lost, inadequate, abandoned, humiliated or embarrassed, etc…” and as we go about our day, certain messages will be activated based on the memories of our past experiences, both positive & negative, which to be honest has probably been created during our formative years as we are dependent upon our environment to affirm our existence, we look to our caregivers, society, our social environment to validate who we are. This is sometimes positive & sometimes negative. Furthermore, it is now also being suggested by research that the memories of trauma can be passed down through the generations, which alters the way in which DNA is expressed...fascinating! So could this also affect our response to the current pandemic? Who knows but something to think about!

How we respond to things, to our environment depends on the information that we carry within our being & the question that I have been asking myself through all of this is “what old wounds do I need to heal?”, “what old painful experiences am I still carrying that I need to let go of so that I can move through this with grace?” “What is the message under the fear?” “Where have I felt like this in the past?” “What is the best way for me to deal with this now?”When I am triggered, I am accountable for the dealing of that emotion, of that feeling, nobody & nothing else is. Things might have played their part in the activation of it, but ultimately, the responsibility lies within me. 

Through this, the main message that came up for me was fears based on the ‘loss of autonomy’ & ‘ego-death’, “I might lose my work, if I lose my work that means I am worthless”, “people don’t want to use my services right now, that means I am worthless”, “I can’t do what I want, therefore I am trapped”. Where do these messages lie? In our unconscious programming, the part of the brain that directs your emotional responses, it’s where our beliefs are formed. Where do these beliefs & fears come from for me? As a child, I had a lot of experiences that created & affirmed the belief that I was worthless & as a result of living in an oppressive household, I have often found myself fighting for my independence. As a result of Covid, both my sense of worthiness and freedom has been threatened to be taken away from me, so I have been fearful, I have felt down, anxious, stressed, frustrated, and angry, my body has been in survival mode - fight, flight, or freeze. 

How to deal with these stressors & triggers?

Everything is yin & yang, positive or negative with varying degrees in between. Some actions are more positive than others and some are more negative than others. The actions you choose on how to deal with your stuff is your choice.

How I deal with my stuff is as follows;

A quick tip: During all of this, I am sitting in the stillness, I am connected to my heart & my soul, I am focusing on my breaths and I’m allowing my body to be the container so that the experience can dance around me for a little bit, then it moves through me to be transformed into positive information. In other words, meditate. Be mindful, whatever works, be connected.

  1. I feel the feeling, sometimes if it has been heavy, I have dwelt in it for longer than I should. Dwelling in emotions invites suffering, whether you're basking in the light of the high or commiserating in the low, to stay there too long, invites the feeling of loss.

  2. I give the feeling a name. Humans like labels. We like to be able to identify with what it is that we are experiencing, so we can process it. Also, if you don’t know what you’re experiencing, how can you learn & grow from it? 

  3. I accept my feeling, what you resist persists & denying your feelings as yours creates the perfect grounds for living in denial.

  4. I begin to let it go, through powerful affirmations

  5. I cry, crying is healing. I don’t always cry though lol, I allow whatever needs to come up, come up

  6. I use my tools to identify further negative messages within my being, my field, information system & transform these messages into information.

  7. I write things down, looking for only the facts. These old messages will try and keep you in a state of fear & will prevent you from healing & moving forward. Which for me, often led me to repeat the same experience over & over until I got the message ‘I needed to heal’

  8. I focus on what I can control rather than the things that I cannot control.

  9. I practise self-care

  10. I flow with the experience, if I am sad, then I flow with that, if I am happy, I flow with that, I am in a state movement with life instead of against.

These are the same steps that helped me deal with the fear as a result of my own personal trauma which I had to face during recovery. It’s the same tools that have allowed me to create a level of resilience that I never thought I had within me, and it has basically allowed me to Face, Everything, And, Recover. 

This wasn’t the case a couple of years ago, for my default mode was to go into self-pity & stay there, reacting at the mercy of my emotions, using drinking, food, and more to cope. I would react with a lot of anger, my internal dialogue would berate & grind me down with negative self-talk, & I would be completely unconscious to this. So the next time something triggered me, I would react in the exact same way. I just did not get it. Every time something happened I would feel trapped in inertia, lost, hopeless, & unworthy. Today this is a lot less. As I said earlier on, this experience has uncovered deeper levels of healing that I needed, which I have dealt with & peace has been restored. My situation is the same but I’m not, this is the difference. 

To conclude, humanity as a species is experiencing a great number of challenges, through Covid-19, through fires, floods, war & more. I have a choice on how I move through life, you have a choice. We all do & that is your responsibility. For me, I choose the path of a higher level of self-awareness, of self-empowerment, of healing, of compassion, of elevation, of resilience, and I choose to move forward in a positive way so that I can help & empower others to do the same.

What are you choosing?

Love Kyla, 

If you’d like to find out more about me, my journey or how I can help you build emotional & mental resilience visit my website or message me directly to book an introductory session at £49! We will look at what is keeping you in a negative emotional state.

My sources:

  • Tao Science

  • Understanding Emotional Trauma

  • The Emotion Code

  • Tao Calligraphy Healing Field

  • Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

  • Power vs Force

  • Healing The Shame That Binds You

  • Power of Soul

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