I’ve been single for a while now, nope, don’t get your tunes of sorrow out for me just yet for there is no need. Dating myself has, in fact, been an awakening experience and it is just what I needed.
Now, if you'd asked me when I was newly single I would’ve told you to ‘eff off’ for my ego needed/wanted to be with someone. There’s an old saying, ‘don’t shit on your own doorstep’, well, I totally ignored that and 'shat' so badly on mine I had to learn a lesson as a result. It sucked for a long time!
‘Cheers Universe, I heard you, I listened!’ I’ve been single ever since - HAHAHA
So what have I learned during my time of single-hoodship?
1. I actually needed to be single.
It is so easy for us to jump into a relationship after splitting. It’s a nice distraction & if it is meant to be, then lucky you. If you’re like me. You probably need some time to heal, to lick the wounds of your ego, reconnect and figure out what the hell to do with your life?! Asking big questions like ‘who am I…? What is it all about…? Is this all that there is....?’ LOL eeeesh so cliche but so true. Love it.
2. Time + Positive Action = Positive Change & Healing
When I first broke up from my ex, I was pretty heart-broken I won’t lie and for a long time I searched for something, seeking it out in all the wrong places, mainly through drugs, alcohol, and parties. Being in a relationship actually kept my addictive behaviour hidden. Now it was free to gan raaaaaaaaaadge. And it did. For about a year, maybe longer, right up until I decided I’d had enough, I carried on repeating the same patterns of behaviour, not really looking at myself and understanding what needed to be healed. I’ve done that now and I am here to lead others to do the same. Who’s with me?!
Thinking, acting, and behaving the same is not going to help you unless you’re a glutton for wanting to learn the same lessons over and over. Which is perfectly fine if that is what your soul needs and wants. For me, I was knackered and something had to change.
3. I know what I like and what I don’t like
When we are in relationships we can settle, we can settle for things that actually cause us and our own journey a disservice. I did that out of fear. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of being rejected, fear of being seen, fear of being alone. There was a lot of fear. Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t no angel and I’ve made plenty of mistakes, I’ve said things I shouldn’t, and I’ve acted in ways that weren’t cool but at the same time, I am now aware that these were the actions of someone who was deeply unhappy with themselves and accepted life as is. Fortunately, my ex did us both a favour and pulled the trigger for I am 100% sure my ego wouldn’t have allowed it. There were many good things about my past relationship and I would be lying if I said it was all bad because it wasn’t and I guess my heart & mind would’ve clung onto that despite knowing that we were not right for each other. We were and are on very different paths and each of us needed to continue towards the next opportunity for growth, which is cool.
Fortunately, I cottoned onto this the fact, and I've my lesson, I now know what kind of person I want to be in relationships as I have had plenty of practice being in a relationship with
myself. I know how to show up for myself and therefore I know how to show up in relationships with others. I am sure there will be plenty of chances for more growth when I do meet the ‘significant other’ but right now I am content practicing this in the relationships I already have with friends and family. Key takeaway for me - protecting your energy is so important. ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup’ as they say. I’m a giver, so learning to honour that about me was vital and it should be for you too. You must protect your energy and your life-force. There are givers and takers in the world, it’s all perfect however, setting healthy boundaries is so important.
4. I don't need anyone to make me happy, I do that on my own
How many of us say, ‘I’ll be happy’ or ‘I’ll feel complete’ when in a relationship. This my friend is fragile. Very fragile. Basing your happiness based on what’s happening outside of you instead of inside of you can lead to earth shattering disappointment. Look to fulfill yourself first. When you are fulfilled you will feel more confident in yourself and your relationships with people.